Problem on the rise…..for men only – Dr. David Hepburn

Dr. David Hepburn:

As a lion, if you’ve decided to name yourself King of the Beasts you had better back it up with a little action. Roaring is cheap. It’s usually a rather short-lived glory for the lion king as there are others constantly wanting his job. And who wouldn’t! Successful applicants will:

  • Sleep 20 hours a day
  • Be served fresh wildebeest by a coterie of naked lionesses
  • Copulate 70 times a day for five days
  • Participate in an occasional fight to the death

Wait! Go back to c. for a second.

Yup. Seen it with my own eyes. On safari, we happened upon a beastly king, busily engaged in c. who happened upon his Mrs three times in less than an hour, not that any of these times involved a lot of champagne or petunias. Was more of a Wham Bam thank you ma’am, roar, nip on nape, roll over, nap, repeat. Feeling a little like peeping panthers, we left, but returned the next morning to find the same couple. This time, however, she was sitting with a bit of a snarl on her face waiting for more King of the Beast action but he was completely laid out flat! Am sure I could hear him muttering something like “You have got to be kidding me woman. Why don’t we just smoke a few jackals and call it a day.” I may have lost something in the translation.

“Oh doc, there’s just ..umm..one more thing…”

“You have ED, right Bloggins?”

“Well no, but… well… yes. I ain’t exactly King of the Beasts around the back 40 these days.

“No lyin’ there king. Your sugars, cholesterol and blood pressure are sky high which is why the rest of you is rather low and slow. ”

Erectile dysfunction (ED) affects 40% of men over age 40 and 65% over age 65. Extrapolating, should you make it to 100, you apparently aren’t going to make it.

Erectile dysfunction- Dr David Hepburn
Erectile Dysfunction- Dr David Hepburn

-Over half of men with diabetes have erectile dysfunction. I have actually seen women in tears, having discovered that the fella they were dating was just too sweet.

-Men who smoke more than one pack per day have a 50% higher chance of impotency than nonsmokers the same age, unless apparently you are 100. So if you’re smokin’… you ain’t really smokin’.

-Got blood pressure issues? Chances are you have other pressure issues too. In fact, having erectile dysfunction is so intimately involved with the overall state of the lining of your blood vessels that ED is now considered a potential marker for cardiovascular disease. And to make matter worse one of the drugs that can cause ED is a common blood pressure pill.

-Most men under 40 years of age can achieve an erection in 10 seconds, while most men over 40 years of age can find an excuse in 10 seconds.

-Men in their 40’s with ED have a higher risk of having a stroke or heart attack in the future. Toss a little depression on top (and what man in his 40’s wouldn’t be a little depressed if the rooster don’t crow, the lion don’t roar, the hedgehog….) and the risk is even higher.

ED is a problem on the rise, as now every seven seconds a brand new baby boomer turns 50, hence the recent run on lawn flamingoes. With the plethora of treatment options, no longer are men afraid to bring it, er, up, in the doctor’s office. (This is getting increasingly… harder to write about without you perverts and Mrs. Horsblaggin reading unintentional double entendres into this.) Viagra,Cialis and Levitra are the number one option for treating ED. For those who cannot tolerate these pills, don’t give up hope as there are pumps and even injections that are quite successful, though to some men the thought of a needle in the nether regions could well cause their testicles to disappear forever.

Erectile Dysfunction-Dr David Hepburn
Erectile Dysfunction pills-Dr David Hepburn

So don’t ignore ED because remarkably, almost a third of all women over 80 years of age still have sex.
It’s the truth, trust me I’m a doctor… not lion.

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Ten ways to give yourself cancer – Dr. David Hepburn

A recent article I wrote recommending the top ten things you could do to acquire a heart attack generated a plethora of mail, and I do enjoy an occasional plethora. For example:

An interesting article, as in the Chinese curse “may your life be interesting.”” Wing Chow

Shing hoa chou bein mein wong shang sweet and sour.”  Sean McElgunn

We are upset that you have given the heart attack prime time as we think people would really prefer to know the best ways to get cancer.” Canadian Cancer Society

You are an idiot!” Rosemary Hepburn   “But you’re still my only son.”

Dr. David Hepburn
Dr. David Hepburn

And so, in order to give cancer equal time, here are my top ten recommended ways to get cancer. I include modifiable risks only as, though genetics plays a significant role in many cancers, it is a little awkward to go to the stork station and request a new set of parents because they usually say “Sorry Dave but this is the 62nd time you’ve asked us this month.” But as more than 30% of all cancers are self-induced, there is plenty you can do by yourself. Cancer is a growth industry, with 8 million deaths each year globally, projected to increase to 12 million by 2030.  If you don’t want miss out on the trend here’s what you can do.

  1. Tobacco: be it ingested by smoking, snorting, the attractive chewing or in an enema, be it 1st, 2nd or even 3rd hand, be it mild, moderate or severe, be it in a pipe, a puff, a paper or a pinch, tobacco is far and away your single best bet for getting a tumour or two or twenty.
  2. Alcohol: Fire back two drinks of alcohol or more per day. Alcohol not only boosts your serum boorish levels, but it can boost your chances for melanoma, stomach, breast, colorectal, liver, mouth and throat and oddly even lung cancer.
  3. HPV: This contagious virus is not only responsible for those sweet genital warts but HPV, particularly when combined with smoking really enhances your cancer chances. The combination of the two not only increases your likelihood of developing cervical cancer by a whopping 15 times, but also causes fatal squamous cell cancers of the head and neck. And if you don’t have a cervix and are currently lacking a head or neck, you can enhance your risk of getting liver and lymphoma cancers by getting the Hepatitis C or even B virus.
  4. Obesity: Yes, that is a lot of a lot of us. So crank that spare tire up to say a spare walrus and increase your chances of getting: breast, colon, kidney, uterine, esophageal and prostate cancers.
  5. Sedentariness: Couch potato-itis not only helps your walrus develop, but if you’re skinny and just can’t get fat, then being a happy slug might help you snag pancreatic, breast, colon or uterine cancers. Exercising not only scares away tumours but it gets your clothes sweaty.
  6. PAHs and HCAs: Do not ignore the effects of burnt barbequed beef giving us those crunchy carcinogenic PAH’s and HCAs. And while you’re sweating over the barbie, light up a cigar. Bulls Eye.
  7. Ditch the D: Indications are that colorectal and breast cancer may be associated with low Vitamin D levels. No more Vitamin Dave.
  8. Diabetes (primarily type 2): is associated with an increased risk of some cancers (liver, pancreas, endometrium, colon/rectum, breast, and bladder). Oddly diabetes is associated with a reduced risk of prostate cancer. Sweet!
  9. Quit vegetables:  Stop eating your vegetables and fruit and dig right into those saturated fats. Wrap your hotdog up with salami and bacon. Barbeque them until extra crispy for added potential.
  10. Expose yourself: Get a job that exposes you to difficult to spell chemicals or even radiation. Inhale copious amounts of asbestos, benzene, pesticides or solvents. This can be done alone or with the rest of the band.

And should all of that fail then try these: avoid your pap smears, load up on the sun, practice unsafe sex, demand X-rays and CT scans for every sniffle. And if you need more ideas, heck, I have a plethora.

Erectile Diss-function by Dr. Dave Hepburn

I am not a big curling fan. Not that I don’t like it, I just don’t spend many hours in front of the Toshiba hanging on every “Hurry hard!” But when the Olympics come and Canada is curling, get out of my way. “Sorry Bloggins but we’ll resume those cardiac compressions after this end because we are all tied up with Slovenia.” Yes, every four years I become a hog line hog.

I have also been a Maple Leafs fan forever even though I don’t live in Toronto, never have, don’t want to, dislike the town. But my dad used to sit me on his knee when he wasn’t bending me over it, and we would cheer on Norm Ullman, Dave Keon and Red Kelly. He would yell things like “Shoot it Armstrong!” or “Get up Bower” or “Get off my knee David, you’re 17 years old!”

Toronto, Maple Leafs - Dr. David Hepburn
Toronto, Maple Leafs – Dr. David Hepburn

There are plenty of us jingoistic curling fans and plenty of us wallowing in Leaf Nation. Believe it or not this is actually good for our health. Scientists have shown that fans who feel personally invested in a team or, better yet, who attend games and cheer along with like-minded fans, reap the mental health benefits that come from a feeling of social connectedness. This phenomena is known as “reflected glory.” In the case of the Leafs this phenomena is known amongst scientists as “friggin’ misery loves company.”

Sharing a common allegiance with others, be it the Cubs, Conservatives or Catholics, bonds people together in a special way. We can relate to others who share fanship or churchship and feel a camaraderie with these fellow hooligans. Friends pick a bar or a chapel to meet up in, have a beer and celebrate friendships made because of the sport or doctrine itself.

And being a fanatic fan feels even better when the team wins. Now we’re really reveling in reflected glory. Whether your Canucks lay a licking on the Coyotes or your Methodists lay a licking on the Moonies, your reward system is flooded.

The ‘basking in reflected glory’ notion states that people can elevate their self-esteem in the eyes of themselves and others by their association with successful others. Because the team’s success reflects positively on its fans, sports fans feel better about themselves when their team does well.

In one study ardent fans of Indiana University’s basketball team were shown pictures of attractive members of the opposite sex and asked them to rate their ability to get a date with them. After their team won, both men and women who were devoted fans, even if they looked like Larry Bird, were more optimistic about their likelihood of scoring a date. They also had a higher opinion of their ability to do well at tasks such as throwing darts, shooting free throws, solving word games and even rolling dice.

Another study found testosterone levels in men rise after a victory and fall after a defeat. Researchers took saliva samples from Italian and Brazilian fans in sports bars before and after the two teams played one another in the 1994 World Cup. After the Brazilians won, the testosterone levels of their fans rose more than 20 percent, while the Italian fans’ levels dropped more than 20 percent and their mustaches thinned right out. Same was true of the men. Fans have a strong sense of personal investment in teams they’re following. Sometimes that investment is rewarded and other times it acts like my stock portfolio.

Soccer Fans- Dr. David Hepburn
Fans in a soccer match – Dr. David Hepburn

After a big loss, don’t approach your man looking for a little lovin’ as not only may his libido drop but so too can his manhood. Defeat may lead to ED. (If he yells “Hurry hard!” only every four years, please have him see a doctor.) Though reflected glory explains why the stands are full for winning teams, it doesn’t explain diehard fanship, or people who stick by their team even after lengthy losing streaks aka “The Leaf Experience.” Fans take a pride in their loyalty, and see suffering through failure as a badge of honor. Doing so makes the euphoria of a win even more dopamine rewarding. For many fans, whether it is of the Penguins or the Presbyterians, being a fan is also part of a family’s identity, a tradition passed down from generation to generation. Your great great grandparents may in fact choose your church, foster your fandom and even brainwash your ballot.

So root root root for the home team and flood flood flood your synapses with dopamine, your blood stream with testosterone and your skin with goosebumps. Live and relive those reflected glory days, even if it was a half century ago… Leaf Nation.

What you can teach your doctor By Dr. David Hepburn

I learn a lot from you patients. Some of you will bring in some esoteric piece of medical information from the internet and I learn that I should spend more time on the internet. Some will have researched, ad nauseum, every possible website, blog, link, forum and tweet about the mating habits of the Eastern Moldavian micro RNA viral particle that, being a physician, I should be an expert on.

Physicians - Dr. David Hepburn
Physicians – Dr. David Hepburn

I’ve even learned about the status of a medication when a patient came in for a renewal on her medications, which included a cholesterol lowering medication called Baycol. As I was writing out the prescriptions and ordering some blood tests she said “Not Baycol, doctor.” “Why not? It appears to be working fine.” “Well, I heard that it was taken off the market, doctor.” “Oh, I’m sure I would have heard that Mrs. Bloggins. Trust me, I’m a doctor. See…” I replied as I reached across the desk and produced a golf ball with the word Baycol right on it. “Regardless of what your balls say, I heard on the radio that Baycol was being recalled.” Sure enough, Baycol had been removed from the market that very morning due to a pesky side effect known as death.

Another patient told me that he had bought my book at Bolen Books. “Well my book hasn’t been released yet, but there are some other stunningly handsome authors out there that you might have confu…” to which he took out a copy of MY book and asked me to sign it.

I learn about cars, trucks, the gospel, RRIFs, riffs, latest Japanese gadgets, latest Japanese research, great books, great bookings, great bookies, stock tips (thanks Martha S.), Chinese cures, Chinese restaurants, clothing sales (with strong encouragement to take advantage of same), movies, movements, a great band, a lap band, and, of course, a plethora of alternative medical stuff, usually involving an exotic sounding fruit endemic to an exotic sounding South Pacific Island. At the end of my day I often have a pile of prescription pad notes scattered across my desk, having scribbled on them “Toy Story 3” or “Bre-X” or “thong” or something completely illegible (which in retrospect I wish had been the Bre-X and thong note) to me or even the pharmacist.

And then I learn some lessons for life. The trusting philanthropist. “I want you to find someone who needs this and give it to them anonymously” said Jean Bilson of 273 Fairlane Ave., 250-379-2345. It was cash. More cash than I would make palpating prostates in a month. So I looked for someone who needed this help, in Maui.

The patient . A 23 year old man had been called in to our clinic regarding the results of a lab test. A test that was positive for herpes. He had to wait three hours. Turns out he never had a test for herpes. It was someone else’s test! Three hours of his life spent in our waiting room amongst the sick, weary and infective, all for nothing. “Hey, at least it’s good news.” he laughed. Wow.

The caring comedian. Opening the door to the exam room, there was a new patient, Jake, fully clothed, lying spread-eagled on the table with his feet in the stirrups and a rather large revealing hole in the crotch of his jeans. “I figure anybody who writes the stuff you do would enjoy a good laugh.” I then learned that he didn’t have a lot to laugh about as dirt poor Jake cared for a severely mentally damaged child, one that was not even his. I learned about compassion…. and sewing kits. Jake, I just happen to have some cash back here.

Dr David Hepburn book
Dr David Hepburn book

So, thanks for the lessons and please…. let me know if I’ve written another book.

Bites from these buggers By Dr. David Hepburn

“What a beauty!” rejoiced the exterminator as he lifted up the fibreglass batting to reveal a steroid soaked spider the size of Saskatoon “We love these guys. A few more of these sweethearts and you’ll have no more problems with carpenter ants in this house!” As thrilled as Mr. Pestilence was to discover that I was breeding Godzillaspiders, I was not particularly placated by the phylum of insect that now dominated my real estate and my frontal lobe. I laid my head on the pillow that night, no longer concerned about my house disintegrating into sawdust but rather plagued with visions of herds of hungry tarantulas burrowing under my silk sheets in search of something tastier than antchops.

It didn’t help when I recalled the fact that the average North American will ingest, while sleeping, three spiders in their lifetime. Since learning of this nocturnal snacking habit, I sleep with one eye open knowing some daredevil spider might pop down my gullet into my stomach where it will spend the night dancing the eight legged cha cha while feasting on jujubes and Denny’s Grand Slam. I’d much prefer that spiders just took a few nibbles at my hide and be done with me.

Black Widow Spider-David-Hepburn
Black Widow Spider -Dr. David Hepburn

SPIDER BITES

Imagine Bernie the Brown Recluse just hanging around the woodpile maybe working on his website or leering over at Black Widow Wanda who has just finished off a nice meal of a beetle or a botfly or a husband. Suddenly a pair of massive human hands reaches in, disturbing this happy arachnid scene and…

“Doc, I think I have a bite of some sort.”

“Looks like a fresh spider bite Bloggins. In fact so fresh that the beast could be on you right now.” At this point a horrified Bloggins usually begins the dance of spider evasion, frantically patting his clothes and hair as he undresses as if his shorts were on fire.

“Will I die?” he pants.

“Yes, one day. But nobody has died of a spider bite in 10 years in North America. So relax. If you were a child and were covered in Black Widow bites then you might have some serious problems requiring antivenim, otherwise just wash the wound well and slap some meat tenderizer on that bite to neutralize the protein.”

Hornet- Dr Dave Hepburn
Hornet- Dr Dave Hepburn

BEES WASPS, HORNETS, YELLOW JACKETS

When Betty Bee is disturbed while cross pollinating her daisies she might get upset and set her stinger deep into your skin. But she that she has a barb attached to her stinger that prevents her from pulling it out of her victim. When she attempts to fly away, the barbed stinger is anchored so solidly to the stingee that it tears Betty Bee’s belly, eviscerating and mortally wounding her. This is why if you listen closely while being stung you will hear “BzzzzOHCRAPbzzz.” Too bad bee, or not to bee.

Wasps on the other hand have no barbs and enjoy stinging you several times. If stung by a bee, carefully scrape off the stinger with a knife or credit card (cost of stingerless sting: priceless). Throw some meat tenderizer and some ice on it. You might also use baking soda and even an aluminum-based deodorant (for perspiration-free bites). A localized swelling at the site of a sting does not mean allergy. But if each sting leads to more intense local reactions, allergies may develop. If a serious allergic reaction occurs it will likely do so within 20 minutes. Eyes and skin will itch, vomiting and labored breathing usually follows. If allergic then carry a dual injection emergency allergy kit at all times or you might be providing the bees with… more daisies.

Vegetarian vs Carnivore by Dr. Dave Hepburn

Samuel, our Masaai guide, announced that the lion tracks on the side of the Tanzanian path we were driving were fresh! Speeding up, our Land Cruiser cruised some land as on two wheels we hurled around the bend just in time to watch a pride of lions hurl themselves on to the flank of a massive Cape Buffalo bull. We were now caught, albeit deliberately, in the midst of an actual lion hunt!! The bull’s deadly horns could eviscerate a lion and as he thrashed and spun dangerously the lions’ attack had to be from the rear and on the rear, a haunch launch. But the bull’s attempt to defend himself was futile.

 

Met and Vegetables - Dr. David Hepburn
Met and Vegetables – Dr. David Hepburn

Carnivores 1 Vegetarians 0

Suddenly, out of the west (actually I’m not sure what direction it was, but “out of the west” is just cool) four Cape Buffalo came thundering across the savannah to attack the lions! Charging into the fray, their attack allowed their buddy, Ralph, to break free of the lions. He now turned his horns on them.

Carnivores 1 Vegetarians 1

But the lions knew their respective jobs. While part of the pride fended off the attack the rest managed to keep Ralph separated from the others. Within minutes the well- organized lions had the would-be rescuers on the run, leaving poor old Ralph behind.

Carnivores 2 Vegetarians 1

Ralph knew that his only chance of surviving this ferocious attack was to get himself into a thicket where the lions would not attack him, as they’re not particularly keen on being eviscerated. Sure enough he rolled into a ravine and into a thicket. The lions, wanting to keep their eviscerals, abandoned the hunt and slunk off, exhausted.

Carnivores 2 Vegetarians 2

But left three lions behind to watch the wounded bull. Finish him off later.

Carnivores 3 Vegetarians 2

The three lions later gave up.

Carnivores 3 Vegetarians 3

The lions walked right past our vehicle, so close that we could’ve pet them or dabbed the blood off their faces, if our trembling had stopped. But they were too pooped to even look at us as a potential hornless meal.

Carnivores 3 Vegetarians 3 Omnivores 1(whew)

A vegetarian diet is, per se, neither healthy nor unhealthy. To be beneficial, like any diet, it depends on the extent of your knowledge and how much care you take to get the proper nutrition for your body, and avoid overly processed sugars.

Vegetarians vs Carnivores- Dave Hepburn
Vegetarians vs Carnivores- Dave Hepburn

But review of the medical literature summarizes these interesting facts:

  • -BMI (body mass index) is highest in meat eaters, lowest in vegans, and intermediate in fish eaters (pesco-vegetarians)
  • -The prevalence of type 2 diabetes increases with increasing consumption of animal products: 2.9% for the vegan diet, 3.2% for the lacto-ovo diet, 4.8% for the pesco-vegetarian diet, and 7.6% for the nonvegetarian diet.
  • -vegetarian diets improve psoriasis symptoms. Sure enough, I didn’t notice any psoriatic plaques on the Cape Buffalo, though, given that his hide had undergone a leonine dermabrasion…
  • -A plant-based diet also lowers blood levels of LDL-Cholesterol (the bad guys)

However….

  • -Vitamin B12, essential for the formation of red blood cells, DNA synthesis, and proper neurologic function is naturally present in animal foods. B12 deficiency can result in lethargy, weakness and neurologic complications including numbness and tingling in the hands and feet, dementia, and psychosis and I know of few things scarier than a demented, psychotic vegan with numb feet… perhaps a blind rampaging mutant black rhino with seven 6 meter horns, toxic saliva and numb feet. Without adequate amounts of each of the nine essential amino acids some vegetarians experience “brain fog,” memory loss, tiredness, moodiness and poor performance during exercise, memory loss, and of course memory loss.
  • Lack of iron, calcium, and other vitamins and minerals are a concern for vegetarians.  Vegetarians and particularly vegans should supplement their B vitamins, calcium, and iron. Vegetarian women have to make up the iron lost monthly during their period, and are also more at risk of developing osteoporosis if their body’s calcium needs are not sufficiently met.
  • One of the reasons that a vegetarian diet could be unhealthy is the routine dependence on processed carbohydrates to fill the gap left by animal-based foods. And to some vegetarians just the thought of eating animals, makes them want to…. Ralph.

Do not read this while eating- Dr. David Hepburn

WARNING! You might want to place this article in your “I-Wished-I’d-Dropped-My-iPad-Into-the-Hole-of-One-of-Those-Porta- Potti-Things” file.

I am forever paying attention to the word “transplants.” But this is one time, like accidentally opening Brett Favre’s text message, that I wish I hadn’t paid attention. It isn’t easy to revolt a doctor but this is so utterly repugnant that I really would like you all to share in my nausea, which, frankly, would be a far site better than sharing this particular transplant……feces. Yes, you heard correctly should your wife be reading this to you. She did not misread fleeces or fees please or fleas tease or freeze these or Jersey Shore.

Stool transplant. Not talking about a barstool, though that is probably where your keyster should be drooped over about now having availed yourself of the bar portion at least in order to continue reading about the stool portion.

Clostridium difficile is a bug that we doctors aren’t overly fond of, as opposed to ones we’re more partial to like ladybugs, butterflies and Latoya Jackson. Had we liked this bug we would have named it Clostridium facile or Clostridium Heidi Klum but no, we gave it a name like difficile to reflect the ease of which it is to deal with. A not uncommon colon infection, it has the potential to be diarrhea deadly in those who haven’t got a Prime A immune system. It is an opportunistic bug. Should a prolonged course of antibiotics happen to kill off the “friendly bowel flora” (which btw is a very cool name for a band or a child should you be raised in the wilds of Gabriola), then C. diff can overwhelm the colon kingdom.

C. diff - Dr. Dave Hepburn
C. diff – Dr. Dave Hepburn

Affecting primarily the elderly, this deadly beast is most often caught in hospitals or nursing homes. In fact, the longer your stay in hospital, the higher the risk of developing C. diff.  Cramping diarrhea with recent use of antibiotics (like Cipro), fever, and foul smelling stool (as opposed to the more common lilac/petunia fragrance), is an indication that C. diff has set up shop. Too much of this overgrowth and the body can go into shock. The bowel can even rupture, an event that has been known to ruin lunch at Zellers. Anti-diarrhea drugs can actually make it worse! Currently we treat C diff. with antibiotics, different ones than caused the problem in the first place. But this is not always terribly effective and can be very expensive.

So along comes fecal bacteriotherapy, known in some circles as… kindergarden. It involves infusion of fresh feces from a healthy donor into the hurtin’ bowel in order to reverse the bacterial imbalance responsible for the infection. The best choice for donor is a close relative who has been tested for a wide array of bacterial and parasitic agents and who is excellent at keeping secrets and avoids overindulgence in Lima beans.

Donor stool is collected in the AM and liquefied in your basic orange juice blender. (How about that for a slap chop commercial at a trade show. “ Folks, over here we have umm…well… a blender for your….well…your….poop. Umm…Ok on to the Sham Wow!”) The transplant is done via enemas and/or via an NG tube through the nose, and no… I am not kidding.

A modified form of fecal bacteriotherapy is being developed  which is more effective and easier to administer. A fecal sample, provided by the patient/victim before prolonged antibiotic treatment or hospitalization, is stored in a refrigerator, just behind the Limburger cheese. Should the patient subsequently develop C. difficile the sample is extracted, filtered, freeze dried and then formed into a capsule that can be taken orally with your Fred Flintstones. And just think of how proud if not vindicated the dog will feel as he watches you gulp down a poop pill, the ultimate probiotic.

stool transplant -Dr Dave Hepburn
stool transplant -Dr Dave Hepburn

Now there’s little doubt this treatment has a bit of an image problem, sort of the Kanye West of medicine. But this “transpoosition” may be something that saves your life because even though it is not being done everywhere just yet, it works and it works very well.

And most fascinatingly, some scientists feel that a disturbed gut flora might well be responsible for conditions like Parkinson’s, ulcerative colitis and even obesity. Furthermore, fecal transplant treatment apparently has shown a dramatic improvement in patients with so-called autoimmune disorders like rheumatoid arthritis. Very exciting stuff but it’s 2 AM and I’m poop…er…exhausted. So, before your husband or the dog reads this article….head to the Porta Potti.